Musings

Blinds

This is a blog of many firsts.

For a start, this is my first bloglet starting with the words "This is a blog of many firsts". Secondly, I write this blog from my home system which is certainly a big first for I had literally believed that I took a decision not to write from home. I realised today that I had infact took no such resolution and hence started writing one from home today.

Also, this is the first time I am going to write about my own likes and dislikes in my desktop. Yes, my MS Windows desktop of my office workstation and the one at home. I do have two flavours of linux at home installed, but I rarely use them and pay little attention to what's in the desktop. Both the systems have windows XP installed. Here are my likes and dislikes in no particular order..

I hate cluttered desktops that teem with icons. In both the systems the only icon you would find is the recylce bin. I do know how to remove even that from the desktop but I always find it useful to be in desktop. I hate "autohide" taskbars and a taskbar that would be resized. I do use launchpad buttons but not more than 3 would be present (infact my home system has none). I make sure to keep the system tray clean - not only it looks more neat being empty but every system tray icon corresponds to some program in RAM and it saves my memory to close them. Currently my home system has 8 system tray icons but that's because I am downloading loads of stuff and using a media player - the default number would be more closer to 4.

The last and most important - the wallpaper. I generally prefer a abstract wallpaper - my office workstation would have a stark-blue colored wallpaper with undecipherable computer codes (I imagined it would make me look geeky and believe me, it works). The home system generally contains some celebrity wallpapers (more due to pressure from room-mates than anything else).

That does it... 

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Dreamer

Am a lousy dreamer. Most of my dreams seem to start off so well, and move so well but end up as nightmares. No - am not talking about my ambitions in life but the real thing. Having used to woke up at my will most of the days, I had little to remember what my dream was. That was usually the case, but since I wake up to alarm calls these days, I mostly remember what I was dreaming. Looks like, I could well be a good horror film director for that's the shape, most of my dreams, er...nightmares take.

The worst thing that could happen in my dreams is death - death of someone I know way too well. It doesn't just hurt that I dreamt of their death but also about the consequences of it. I sometimes wonder if I would be ever be able to deal with real-life things as such. One of my oft-repeated dreams during my school days were exams for which I had gone completely unprepared. Seems like I had been a good learning kid for I must have worried about exams a lot.

The other most occuring nightmare is about acrophobia - mostly its the version wherein I run along a concrete ruins to end up in a corner, from where I can see earth some two hundred feet below. I begin to get down and move along a narrow ridge along a wall - I do not dream of falling from there for I wake up at this point - I always get up for this nightmare....always.

Nightmares change, they sometimes repeat, mostly don't but I hate them. Hate the concept that my subconcious mind is so timultous and always fearing. Hate the belief that one day I may think of my worst tragedy as a nightmare...

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Stopped by the lonely voice on a winter night

Ah! Sleep is a bliss after a day's work and I was waiting in my room watching some lost episode in TV. I was hungry. I was waiting for my friend to call me once he neared home so that we could have dinner together at a nearby hotel. It was planned two hours ago and till now there had been no calls - I wanted to go to sleep. As it often happens the phone rang as soon as I raised to go to bed. Half a minute later, I walked out of my home to the hotel.

I took the usual ragged shortcut path that led to a couple of dark alleys before leading to the road that had the hotel on it. When I was moving in one of the darkest spots in the path, I heard a girl saying "Excuse me". As it was my habit, I was walking silently looking down on earth and my first thought was that the source of voice must be standing in front of me. I raised my head slowly but as soon as I saw the emptiness before me, I knew the voice came way over my head. I raised my head and saw her silhoutte. She might have been my age and was probably wearing some sort of a night-dress which I couldn't make out. But it was evident that she addressed me - not another soul was nearby. She rapidly said the following things in no particular order "...thanks.." "...it fell from up here...." "....its very dark...." "...no one is coming...." "...its gold..." "....I lost my ring....". I could parapharase that she lost her gold ring which she just dropped from the place she was standing and it must be near where I was standing. She didn't specify what help she needed. I stared back and simply said "....I ain't helping anyone..." and continued to walk. I am not sure why I did this, but that's what I did. She shouted an abuse at me - I stopped on my tracks. I slowly went back to the place where I stood a moment ago - I wanted to say something. I looked at her for a brief moment, but started the walk down my own path again. This time there was no abuse and I silently grateful....

Dinner was peaceful and the walk back was as peaceful as ever. No one was there in the place where I was stopped. I didn't raise my head to find out if anyone was standing. I just couldn't somehow forget that I was in a matrix...

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