Musings

All's worse that...

I put down the phone - the call was over. I hadn't imagined this would be the way it would end but it did - it was as simple as that. I muttered - "that does it" consiously with a good amount of effort for my mind refused to believe it. Or is it 'heart' as its always said by the person at other end - I would never know. I never care anymore.

I put down the phone and got back to work - I needed to work for there were so many serious issues going on around and today being the release date didn't help. I concentrated hard only to fail time and again to try not remembering that its over. It had taken quite a bit of will from my side to let it go and it had - quite unscathed to my liking.

I worked, tried not to think of anything. After a few minutes I realised I wasn't working - was a ghost simply staring at my monitor - I had frozen. I realised my team mates might be looking and quickly went to the rest room to wash my face and all that had swamped within me. The latter was a huge failure. I made a decision not to go home early for it would be different there - and naturally I would be left out.

Where did it all start - I ask myself. A moment later I corrected myself - there is no start to it - it was just an idea and it pulled each one of mine apart. Am I wrong? how can that be - I was always right - had to be. I desperately tried to avoid thinking about it - probably needed someone to share. The very thought made me laugh - no, I giggled at the idea - how stupid of me!!

Then I realised that if there was another call the very minute all I would say is 'I miss you very much and would always miss you'...was that it?? yes it is.

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The blog story

I started writing blogs simply because I thought they were cool. Back at that time there were very few people who had their own blogs (the sentence itself seems a bit absurd now) and I thought I could very well have one myself. After I owned one, I wrote for others - mainly people whom I had not met.

I used to write blogs mainly for others and mostly for comments. I used to think that I was onto something - making a few blog friends, even talking to one blog friend was all cool and I believed it didn't hurt - I had all the time in the world and with nothing much to do, it looked like all I was born was to write about random things. It all looked good until as many other seasonal favourites of mine, it lost its charm one fine day - it was to have been expected - only that I was reluctant to acknowledge.

Then I wrote mainly for one protagonist - the realms of who was not in part of any tiny spectre of my visage. It was almost comical trying to think of those days for after all this I still feel what Homer Hickam did at the end of his long, but extraordinarily beautiful story. That was irrevocably inevitable, says the architect within me.

I write blogs now - good ones like these wherein I speak a lot of lies and bad ones wherein I speak for myself as a man and end things amicably as all superhero films. I do lie in my blogs...

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Bulletproof

an idea - thats exactly what I sought for a long time. To write this blog, to initiate the action that will take me to places, that was all what I needed. As the old saying goes - it doesn't work when it has to work. Talking about old saying's - I am quite astounded by the software people's relevation that every such cynical wise-word as Murphy's. Gotta wiki that subject soon.

I liked "V for Vendetta" for the very fact that it dealt with an idea. Its the simple concept that drives every man, yet so complex that destroys most within its reach...I once wondered what it takes to spend time alone. I believe I spend time less alone now - particularly with the advent of internet in home.

There was a time when I wrote about insomnia a lot. I don't these days - for all what I am, I am a failed creature.

"Behind this mask, there is something more than flesh, there is an idea and ideas, Mr. Creedy, are bulletproof" &n bsp;   - V to Creedy

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