fridays and sundays
11.01.04 (8:18 am) [edit]to me both friday and sunday evenings mean the same,these days...i mean both are fun when you are there...please read on...
obviously to any workin man friday evening is the destination for which he/she toiled all week...they think of wat they can do in the weekend and stuff...i am no different, even if i do nothin in my workplace...i don think i ll have to elucidate more regardin this...
then the weekend starts with a good note...i get up pretty late on saturday and find myself fresh...real fresh but only to realise i have nothin to do...no solid plans for the weekend ensure i stay at home alone readin some stupid novel...i expect more in the evening but alas my weekend ghosts never leave me...
sunday is no different...the only solace bein that i play cricket quite a lot...i play with a friend who has office on saturday...the day wears off and i only feel happy to be knowin i have office tomorrow...that is atleast somethin different from wat i have been doin for 2 days...
infact it is like the feelin inside an AC room...it is always nice whether u come out of it or go in...morning time in the office when u enter it feels cool and u like it...but once u get used to the coldness it is refreshin to step out for a cup of coffeee to let nature give a glimpse of its own way of coolness...though this comparison sounds abstract i think it is best depicts the actual picture...
a walk back home!!
10.29.04 (10:41 am) [edit]friday at office is the only day we are allowed to wear casuals...so havin sported a jean and t-shirt i came to office at 10:30 am sharp....an hour late but since i had no work and no supervision it was no problemo!! i opened my mailbox and the first mail that popped was that i needed to submit my passport no. before noon...damn me!! they have been askin it for 2 days but still i forgot it....had no other option but to go back home...
home is abt 3km from my office and i decided to walk back home for no apparent reason...one reason cud be that i hate autos which are the only other transport option here...the walk is thru a bizzard path...
i went outta my office and passed without much of a glance to the big-houses....they are the corporate buildings which host the most famous companies in the globe...oracle,microsoft,kanbay,c sc,accenture,ca....u name them they wud b here...after that i went thru a narrow road that had a management college...though i pass thru this college often i have never seen a student...today i saw many...in colorful clothin...boys and gals walkin together...a small bakery which hosts more students than it can manage, all laughin and makin fun...it brought back fond memories...i walked without a reaction...then the main road which eventually lead to a narrow road that leads to a graveyard...i take this graveyard path daily for it is a good shortcut...
the graveyard was never menancing...today, there are a lot of buffaloes grazing....a coupla kids playin kite...the buffaloes are so large in number that the slabs indicatin men resting in peace, seems to be so few and scattered here and there...the graveyard immediately joined the road to my home and was home soon...after lying in my bed for abt 10 minutes with arms and legs spread wide, i got up, noted the number for which i came and started walkin back to the office...
the walk back was just as eventful....the only thing was there were no buffaloes or kids in the graveyard...can understand where the kids wud have been but the absence of the four-legged creature s still bewilders me...there was no man in sight...everythin was set up for a scary grave yard but it was 11:30 in the morning and the light kept my ghosts away...i don beleive in ghosts anyway....
life as a software engineer!!
10.27.04 (9:55 am) [edit]enuff of the gene theory....am not gettin bored of it but i have a life of my own that never complies with crazy theories and i didnt open this blog to tell vague theories on how humans exist!!!
i m a software engineer...fresh outta college..joined this US based MNC 3 months back...i m in india and as most wud know we r made to work like hell...not me though...we r in training and the work hasnt started yet...so wat do i do??? sit day long in my desk and write blogs...ofcourse watchin cricket is the other important work...
this blog is basically abt the nuances of a software engineer's work...ppl from outside mostly see this as a good payin easy job for all we do is type somthin in a lousy computer and that wud do everyhin for us....man!!! how very untrue....it is a damned lie...we literally break our brains everyday to make things work...there wud b some stupid client sittin in US or europe who needs to get the job done...only thing is he knows wat job is to be done but ll never say it to us correctly for we r paid to get it from him...then we do codin...
if anyone thought codin was the most difficult thing in a software guys life think again...there is somethin called bug-fixin....we software ppl create more bugs and variety of bugs that even god(if one such exists!!) wud become insane if he tries to rectify all at once...
life goes on!! we are the silent creed who carry on....its certainly not the worst job in this planet but certainly a job which wud make u bald soon... ;-)
are our genes ruthless exploiters??
10.26.04 (10:08 am) [edit]this is a sequel to the selfish gene blog...many a questions have been raised by people who read it and hence i felt i can elucidate more...this time i relied on bookish facts rather than my mere imagination!!
genes are the fundamental buildin blocks of any organism...it is present in each of the billions of cells v have in our body in the form of DNA copy...thus they r as inherent inside us as our existence...it is now beleived that the intution in man for survival was thru our genes...otherwise v cant explain how v knew the theory to survival...
these genes r also the silent replicators who made sure that the legacy is passed onto newer generations....and for this reason they used us....it implies that the genes are nothin but nothin but ruthless exploiters who kindle us to outlive us...they give us survival instinct for their survival and sex instinct to outlive us...when their need is fulfilled they cast us aside...v r nothin but mere fuel cells to a big machine called a gene....
scary it may sound its beleivable to me...is it for u??
Selfish genes
10.25.04 (7:45 pm) [edit]hmmm...its not technical...i am not a biology student, but a software professional, single...the basic idea of this blog is to raise a simple question...its not completely self-thought idea...it all started when i read a petty article in a local magazine and i ve spent some time thinkin abt it..
the basic idea is that genes control us...i mean everythin wat v do is basically written in our genes...they r the masters of us or actually the gods thru whom v exist...sometime ago there was a theory that a person kills someone coz of his genes and hence there is no need of punishment...but later people agreed that more than genes it is the conditions in which they grow...
ok lemme come to the question i was talkin abt...genes are selfish and they want to outlive us...if so, do they kindle our sexual feelings so that they can create a new life of their own??
havin an open mind!!
10.25.04 (4:28 pm) [edit]i was goin thru the blogs list and for one page there was a warning message that said "u may not completely agree with wats in here but keep a open mind"....it sounded very true to me...
very often we take decisions before sittin down for the analysis...we think v r right for v don even consider the other part...the reason is that the subconcious mind plays with us and takes a decision which v follow...actually its not out of our control...
once a writer wanted to write abt a new religion and went to visit a famous sage...he began by sayin 'i have heard a lot of bad things abt ur religion...can u please explain'....
the sage served tea...he started fillin the cup for the traveller...even after the cup was full he was pourin on and the tea spilled down onto the table...seein this the writer, obviously annoyed said to the sage 'u r a fool..why do u pour somethin new into an already filled cup'...the sage said 'u r right!!! u please empty urself so that i can fill'
he meant the writer's thought abt the religion...he already had a conclusion which he needed to empty before the sage can try fill it....
sometimes in life!!
10.25.04 (2:40 pm) [edit]life is probably the most enigmatic illusion drawn upon the eyes of a person...illusion here is probably not the right word but i think its the closest i got in my vocabulary....
i m in the silent path now, a path i havent trodden many times before...the reasons r not obvious to others for i choose not to disclose it to many...its somethin i wanna groom within myself...i mean this feelin...
am i dejected??? i don think so...i take things easily most of the time and wanna downplay this feelin but then at times i feel i am showin this irritation in the wrong way...probably to wrong people...i ve enough work to keep myself busy these days and choose not to think abt it but then i choose not to...
i think..err...no...i know i m makin this issue big to myself...somethin i can do without...but still i ve been always like this...a person drawn onto my own world, a world where i survive for the sole reason that there exists a problem...
i think i have actually stumbled across the reason for my current state...i need some problem, a challenge to exist...without which i m not the same person...
a hair fallin experience
10.21.04 (4:21 pm) [edit]i went to cut my hair today...back home its always my mom who wud start that it was time for my hair-cut...i always felt it was too early and mostly it wud b a month after that, that i wud go to a barber...here i m the king of my own deicsions...i don miss my mom for such petty reasons though...
so went to the barber and finding an empty seat jumped on...a big man with a suitable jumbo sized moustache came in with the cloth...he wrapped it around me and started his work with a single word 'medium'...it was a question and he meant the amount of hair i needed at the end of his work...i nodded..that was all he needed...
he started it from the back...as any good barber wud tell u, the work of first 2 mins can b as random as possible for there is little to lose then...he completed meanderin over the back of my head and the two sides near ear lobes before the 2 mins...he had trimmed them well...
then the slow process started...with scissors and a comb in hand he was well an artist in work...if i had interrupted him to say its my hair he wud ve certainly given a shock galnce to me, before realisin wat i said was true...with slow matured cuts he let my hair drop...he finished the work with scissors in 10 minutes...then came the blade hour...
its time to remove the small hair residue that remains elusive to scissors, usin a blade...i always call it the blade hour for i know my theory of relativity...when i goto the barber near my home i used to laugh...no not laugh...giggle... due to the tickling effect it produces, when it is used in back of ear lobes...it shud b coz of the fact that i am used to the man for i can still remember visitin him with my dad and he usin 'the blade' when i m in my dad's lap...
here its a new place and its a new man...he looks menancin enuff with the blade that i can well forget gigglin when he has the blade in my neck...i didnt...it was all over...
i came out...a new man...born again...
vagaracies of a steady mind..
10.21.04 (1:05 pm) [edit]today is a holiday for me...am in my home now sittin in a comfortable chair with an air of easiness and comfortable clothes...it is unlike anythin i can wear when i wud be in office...
time to enjoy??? perhaps but i m havin little to do...there is one golden option to sleep but my mind never takes rests when i want it to...it always demands itself the right to sleep...sometimes when i least need it...i always beleived sleep is somethin that is controlled more by mind than anythin else...more than the physical rest we need its the mental rest that make us sleep in night...
mind is a strange creation...its abstract...its inside us but v always say that v don understand it and stuff...actually we do understand it...but are afraid of the consequences of followin it...its the best example of how we cheat to ourselves...there r layers of mind i beleive, each givin me different perceptions of the same thing...how we take it depends on each person...some choose the thing that is best to them...but how do they decide?? again the mind does it...
it is fathomable to who dare to...
wanted : tranquility
10.20.04 (7:14 pm) [edit]need some tranquility badly...my mind today has been wanderin thru many unwanted and forgettable things...not only that i feel i m a bit scared...the kinda fear of losin ur own ego and gettin bruised by ur own mind...a very painful experience, that...
am feelin quite lonely and am sure ll feel more lonely in the few days to come for all my colleagues go home...not tat i wud miss them but i fear i might miss my home too...a shameful violation of the rules i laid to myself...but such tests come and go and i gotta stand by the game, my game, my own rules for i m the only player...
nothin seems to b gettin into my mind...it cud b due to physical reasons too...after feelin good yesterday and most of today, i now feel i m back in hell...where food doesnt taste that good...it happens so often that mind at such a times is not constant and wanders along many different thoughts...
i know its not a well written blog...forgive me...
i m the game
10.20.04 (4:56 pm) [edit]still cant stand fumin abt my debacle with my leave...can i???
any jobless maverick will find a passion for computer games and i was no exception...the fact that i m still remianin a jobless maverick but without the resources for gamin is indeed the sad part....i started to game right from the time i started usin computers...
the very first games i tried were wolfenstein 3d and pacman...wolf,no matter how trivial it looks now opened my vision for first person shoot(FPS) games...the creators of wolf namely id software have had a wonderful passionate follower in me...right from the quake series to the current doom 3 i ve followed and tried most of their creations...all first person shoot-outs...
my favourite among that is quake 3 arena....the mere power of killin(shud i say fraggin) everyone in sight was a blessin for me...with a rocket launcher or rail gun i was virtually invincible...still remember howerin my favourite maps gun in hand knowin in each corner i ll take to tackle a bog...man that's unmatchable....
the next genre was strategy games...i loved and still love age of empires...i played version 2 the conquerors...easily the game i played more than any other....hours of endless pain in plannin and buildin defences and goin on attacks...yummy....i relished them...though i played a lot of generals in multiplayer mode AOE remains my favourite till date....
racing games never drew the gamer out of me for i always felt i m not in any action....my need to kill wasnt answered there and it always remained a passing fad...
the list is endless...quite frankly i havent mentioned my most favourite game here and a few other games i ve played...ll write it soon
am i missin it???
10.20.04 (1:43 pm) [edit]in the fury in which i m now i can raze down all creations of mankind into ashes...now now...just threw up my emotions...need more control...can u beleive a faint sigh has caused all this fury...a sigh from my sis...
i didnt get the leave i had applied to go home...it had been so important to me...the task of goin home and didnt realise it till i heard the sigh...after applyin for the leave i reserved tickets to go home...i didnt realise then the significance of that piece of paper i had which made my travel legal...i still have it in my valet and i think now i can crush in my hands and feel thorns in it...thorns that cud draw blood...
now they have all rejected my leave and i cant go...when they told me this all i cud manage was a dry smile...had no emotions...then the call came and then came the sigh...i told this news not to my emotional mom but my sis who i thot cud take it lightly...she did...she only sighed...an empty sigh...i was casual till then and i know that wat made her sigh...a sigh of helplessness...she cud ve explained how well they miss me in home if i hadnt been that casual...i had once scolded her for an emotional mail for i felt it hurt me more that i don wanna miss them...and now this...
i know they miss me...i m sure they miss me for the sole purpose that i existed there...had been in that same home for sixteen long years...no use braggin all those bright days back home...time to look forward...
cant go home...i m afraid how my mom is gonna take this...am angry at none but the feelin is there...it is probably due to my inability to deliver the promise that i wud b in home for ramzan...i ll probably miss my home on that day...sittin in an quiet empty corner of my new home here...i will sigh...only sigh...an empty sigh...but certainly not durin the call i gonna make that day to home...for i know how they wud feel...
me and my temper
10.19.04 (7:31 pm) [edit]i cant describe myself well when it comes to temper...i still search for the right word...i m quite-tempered meanin that i cant take everythin cool...continuous irritation drives the mad-man inside me...otherwise i am as good as a sheep(who's not)
i need to control my temper a bit too...i have to first of all categorize ppl to whom i can show my temper and to whom i cant...its always assured my senior staff are in the second list...gotta add to them a few others abt whom i need not bother enuff to feel angry at..
men in temper r always at a loss...c'mon i m not the first person to say this and so dont expect any explanations...all people invariably have the habit of showin anger on the wrong guy...the person who's not the cause of their fury...i don doin that kinda stuff...no i can remember some...
an art i never learnt!!
10.19.04 (5:09 pm) [edit]'silence is one great art of conversation' some guy has said...but this is not the art i m speakin of here...i m very poor in listenin...i mean listenin to classes...still in my early 20s and still a long way to go in 'the ladder' i beleive i gotta attend a lot of classes wherein the my virtue of sleepin in the last benches cud b a problem...
i did have this problem right from the time i started feelin i m better than the teacher...it happened for me in the time between my 8th and 9th standard when i realised half of the teachers there merely taught me coz they learned it a day earlier...thanx to them now i can sleep well in a cozy corporate trainin room when a lecturer who is paid a grand for takin 10 classes is tryin his level best to infuse some of his music into my ears...only my ears arent trained to listen...
i am startin to feel bad these days coz of this problem...it simply means i m not utilizing the given oppurtunities well...it have to start afresh and look things differently...
old habits die hard but when the grand lord comes with an axe who can say 'no'??? i ll let it RIP
need a doc!!! anyone in the hall???
10.18.04 (8:35 pm) [edit]well am in real need of a doctor here....am lookin pathetic, soundin pathetic, even to me...but only to me...i know that for sure and hence it doesnt hurt much...
didnt have any food the whole day today and now lookin at myself i feel am gonna faint...if not faint i m sure i gotta go early and lie in bed for hours together...not that i m feelin sleepy but i feel i have no more energy to carry on like this...dunno whether i can eat now or not...not that i am afraid of any consequences but am afraid whether the feelin of eatin wud come on seein some food...its quite awry and frightenin to think at...
time has run ever so slowly today...as slow as a man's walk to his guillotine...did i walk that way in the morning?? i dunno but i find no guillotine here...only swarms of computers askin questions at me...i wud love to answer them all but have no energy...i know i cant quit but then i think i gotta pay some price for the blunders i did...
once done is a mistake;twice done is a blunder;blunder r cardinal sins that r unforgivable
implications of a birthday
10.18.04 (4:39 pm) [edit]today is not my birthday...
my birthday means nothin to me...i mean its not somethin like i don wanna celebrate it or so but over the years i ve learned to cope up with the feelin that there is nothin special in it...probably bein in home till now,where there was no big sentiment attahced to it, had helped me into this kinda thought...
to b honest i wud and did expect greetings from ppl who care...and it has come most of the time...and even in the few times, the few people who didnt come into terms with my expectation were forgiven...no, not forgiven...thats not the word...i never considered it a crime to be forgiven...
so it indeed was a suprise for me to see two birthday greetings mail from my colleagues...two people i had never even spoken too...then i realised...today is my official birthday, i mean its wat is there in the records and usin that they ve put up the news in a notice-board in the company...well wudnt i be suprised??
carryin on a broken......
10.18.04 (2:24 pm) [edit]am not in pink of health...right thru the weekend and even now...dunno wats happenin with me...it all started with a severe headache in the final hours of office on friday...after goin home i lay down for sometime and when i got up found myself so tired...i had a fever...quite a high temperature...
i hate fevers for the sole reason that it makes food taste bad and i love food...also i cant have food of my wishes for they wud b categorized as indigestible under circumstances...goin to a doc was an option but an option any person with a nose that can pick up odours and taste buds that can sense bitterness wud hate....i didnt go...
i didnt have any food on saturday...all i had was a packet of biscuits at the end of the day just to make sure the formality of eatin somethin each day is completed...sunday was no different except for a self-pity dinner i had...and today it has been a torture...
i knew it was comin but never realised that until i got up this morning...had a real struggle to get ready and come to this office...and comin to the office was inevitable for these ppl who cant even gimme a leave for celebratin ramzan in home wont find my fever a good excuse...
it was a torture to walk to office...not the most pleasant thing to do...lookin back i shud ve gone to doctor...afterall it was mom's advice and she is always right...atleast regardin me!!
a day best forgotten
10.16.04 (5:07 pm) [edit]this is about today, October 16,2004 saturday...time's only 1:30pm....so still a good part of day is ahead but i m quite sure wat i write here is true...it is gonna b a day best forgotten....i say this not because i m a good astrologer but coz i knew it the time i got up...
not that i saw the devils then...everythin was normal...i did have some plans for today which i m sure wont b executed...but those r not that important..
but still i feel today is gonna b an empty day...cricket is goin on and i m followin it...its borin at best...some blarrin song is runnin in the background...i can always choose to change it for it runs in the same system but i choose not to...gotta take care of myself in this phase of life....its a stage where everythin goes at slower pace...
today shud b the slowest!!
All alone in the universe!!!
10.15.04 (8:31 pm) [edit]each and everyone loves good company and want to b with ppl who care....i m no different and am as much a social animal like everyone else...but one shud also learn to spend some time alone...
v r alone most part of our life....its the truth...v talk to ourselves more than we talk to anyone else....even more than wat v speak to everyone else put together...and the beauty is that v speak truth to ourselves unlike when v speak to others....when i say truth i mean v speak our hearts content only to us...
i ve had this feelin of bein all alone in the universe....i often take up night walks in my terrace all alone....the vast sky always filled with twinklin stars that tell me that the universe is as much big as it gets but still i m part of it...i often try not to think of anythin else but small snippets of days happenings or some forgotten history...sometimes it cud b hauntin...i mean the snippets but i always think i m alone...i sing quite loudly for there is no audience except my stars and they r atleast a million light years away(gosh then how many sound years???)...
the experience is scintillatin...but tell u the truth, i never felt so good abt it till now...i m missin it...thats y i feel so good abt it...
my advice to all
10.15.04 (3:10 pm) [edit]in life v always feel v r matured at the current moment...
when in school v feel v r mature enuff and when in college v feel that v had been kiddish in school and so on...now i feel i was kiddish yesterday and i m a saint now...but the truth is no one is matured enuff for all...maturity is relative in that one may be matured in one thing but not in others...
hmmm...where does it all get to??? no one is matured enuff to advice others but simply do coz they r not in the other persons shoes and hence have no pressure...
coz of this they advice knowin that nothin is gonna affect them...always remember 'Time is a great teacher but unfortunately it kills all its pupils'..
so lemme conclude by advicin...err....tellin u all never give a advice...
Raindrops are fallin on me!!!
10.14.04 (8:44 pm) [edit]rain is such a nice thing to happen...i always love it(i feel its a crime for someone to hate it, if one such person exists!!!!)..
whenever i think of rain i remember two things - first one is recent and a bit foolish..its the song 'raindrops are fallin on me' from spiderman-2...i love it..not just the lyrics and picturisation but the context of the song in the film...so wonderfully thought out and executed...
the other thing is the rainy evenin i walked home dejected while i was in school...still remember why i was sad then but i feel so silly to even tell it here ;-)..the road was empty...i still cant reason out why all the fools were indoors without enjoyin the nature's show....the show had just started for when i started walkin there was no rain....
i walked head down....all that my sight cud cover was my shoes on the road....i was thinkin nothin..its like the emptiness u have when u no longer mean anythin to u....my shoes had a rhythm..i didnt break it nor did i stumble on any stones there but kept goin...i didnt cry that far i remember but i knew if someone had asked me wat happened i wud've cried...it took me sometime to realise its rainin and i felt it coz my shoes started to land in small puddles...i looked up and saw it was raining...not a drizzle but steady rain...a kind which u wud love when u r in a hill station....i put my head down and walked..
cant remember anythin else....cant say all that followed were that irrelevant for the whole experience sounds&nb sp;irrelevant,to me now...to me probably after the rain-show was over...but i remembered it...i remember it as though it happened just a minute ago...
i dunno how or why i remember it...though i ve had many enjoyable and funny experiences with rain i always remember it when it rains...
wait.....its not that i remember the whole experience but my shoes...always its the shoe..its like a picture cut out u always have in ur valet...i have carried it in my heart..
waitin for a missed call!!!
10.14.04 (7:51 pm) [edit]long days and sleepless nights are filling my otherwise empty life...don know wat is gonna happen but i m waiting...waitin for wat?? the answer is irrelevant as long as i m able to fathom once my wait is answered....
the problem is i m thinkin that somethin gotta happen in my life every now and then...i cud ve atleast had a good job where they exploited me enuff that i don even ve time to think of all this...there were times in my life that i had such feeling...
gotta overcome all of this and stuck to my basic plan...to live out my life...the above is not a negative statement...it doesnt mean i am livin jus to exist but it means that i gotta live out my life for myself...and don gemme wrong if it sounds selfish....i ve given enuff validation to this line already in this very blog...
i m waitin for a missed call...or has it already arrived and i missed it????
i dunno why i shud miss the call or why i missed it.... but i know one thing for sure - ITS INEVITABLE
the little boy next door.....
10.13.04 (9:03 pm) [edit]there is a little boy next door....not here in this corporate jungle where i work but near my sweet home....he comes first thing in the morning to say good morning and does pranks all day....most of them wud make dennis proud..
he is not just cute but often briliant and resourceful...one of his popular pranks was to pull off my spectacles when i take him in my arms...
well, enough of it...i miss him a lot..more than my home...more than my parents and bro and sis...i ve a picture of him but more than that i hear to his voice every other day...i ve three snippets of him, singing...the words are absolutely illegible and that makes the sound so sweet...
he's waiting for me...i know it...last time i went home after quite a time he was just so happy he jumped of the cycle he was riding...he fell down but got up, smiled and came running....i knew he had pain in the scratch he had just suffered...i simply knew for it hurt me....
this time i ll run to him...cant take any chances..can i???
Cricket and me!!
10.13.04 (12:26 pm) [edit]long gone are the days i cried when india lost a cricket match...now when the recent test between australia and india concluded with india tasting a crushin defeat all i cud feel for this : my passion for cricket is gone!!
or is it because i m matured enough not to react to a silly game?? that is ridiculous for i can never b mature enough to face a defeat in cricket bravely....the real reason is terrifying....i m too occupied and busy with my mental worries to even care abt cricket..
well all this is happenin coz i landed in a job 2 months ago....have not become busy right from the first day,ofcourse, but then there are sheer mental pressures....some were drawn on to me by myself...anyway no use in complainin abt it now...
so wat am i gonna do?? nothin for i love this change....not coz i feel its better my foolish passion for cricket is gone but coz i love mental pressures....always been...there is nothin like puttin everythin in ur head all at a time and use parallel multitaskin and grid wise multipragorammin to get to some result...the result is there now - i ve become a load of technical jargon
i love it
I am Spiderman!!!!
10.09.04 (7:36 pm) [edit]I like the movie very much...i saw both the movies and felt one thing....i liked the nature of the hero..
i meant his dilemma in choosin wat he wants to become is the pivot in the first part....wat changed him was the line : 'Great powers come with great responsibilities'
in the second part he gives up his people carin job and ventures out for a normal life only to find he needs to do a sacrifice....raindrops were really fallin on me then...
he is a real hero....i am one too for i am in a dilemma....i am spiderman!!!
am i a recluse???
10.06.04 (4:02 pm) [edit]have u ever wondered why in some issues u feel that all the options available lead only to problems and others where u feel no matter wat u do it is gonna end pleasantly??? well its the irony of life..
life has an inherent symmetry with itself...so long as v r live to ourselves...i mean our own souls v can remain happy...but thats impossible coz mans a social animal and he needs others as admirers, to share feelings...
all this takes the real feeling away from him...its better to b a recluse...i feel so coz then u r urself to u...not someone others want u to be
havin spoken all this i know i am not yet a recluse...i am a social animal who feeds on others and on whom other social animals feed....
c'ya
is life worth living??
10.05.04 (6:03 pm) [edit]IT IS....
i can just finish my argument with the above two words but then why do i have a blog???
life is never so easy for many of us...i have thought a lot abt life and the only conclusion i came to was i can think for all my lifetime and yet not find wat it is!!
a friend of mine asked the other day 'wat is life to u?'...i said i cant say...she responded askin 'u ve been living it for the past 20 yrs'...
i snapped back 'i m not dead yet'..
thats true ppl..we need to die and only then learn wat we had(and wat we ve lost then)....
as long as u live.....remember that 'life is to live'
An hour in the class
10.04.04 (1:47 pm) [edit]Am in class now....am in the last bench with a system and tryin to listen to the class.....ve heard of chinese torture techniques but dunno whether they ever taught the prisoners assembler as a means of torture...i wish they hadnt...that wud've been untolerable...
the lecturer is good...has all the experience to know that i m not listenin and right now typin some crap in my computer but then tat is the best thin abt these experienced ppl : they don show they know coz tat pays in the long run.....
hmmm....frequent interruption for he turns so often and i have to type without noise....now he is configurin some tool for he cud ve hands on in assembler....he is speakin some tech jargon..i can understand it but choose not to...it looks like a Da Vinci code...
i wish i cud decrypt it.....
Oh Draconian Devil!! Oh Lame Saint!!
Never try to understand anythin
10.01.04 (5:25 pm) [edit]this has been my doctrine for a very long time...i am not preachin ppl, not to study :D...i ve been quite successful in my studies and ve always tried to understand wat i learnt....
the axiom is not to analyse anythin or anyone u love...its coz they wud no longer wud b lovable or interstin for u....lemme explain a little here...
when u analyse a person u know u understand him/her better and usin ur understandin u try to react or even proact with him/her...its not dangerous(ofcourse it is how the game is played!!) but then u lose ur spontaineity and also the little things which u cud ve enjoyed otherwise...so often, we tend to do this and we feel we are diplomatic and good at handlin situations but then wat do we gain??? dont we live for ourselves??
it is similar in case of anythin u find interestin....a pet dog is only interestin only if u take it as how it is rather than tryin to understand its actions and get a pattern....
hope u get wat i mean!! i am not very successful in followin those but am tryin to!!
Ever did star watching???
10.01.04 (2:24 pm) [edit]hmmmm.....this is somethin that everyone wud have done in his/her life...
but have u ever noticed that it is a virtual travel through time-machine???
the stars are light years away and whenver u look at them it is wat they were hundred and thousands of years ago...(actually we look at the sun 5 mins late :wink:)
actually i prefer i had not thought so technically abt all this...i actually think of this factor whenever i see a star now....if i hadnt thought abt all this, i cud have enjoyed star-watching, as i did in once, in my house terrace lying on my back, on the washing stone, alone...but as a part of the universe...that was pure exaltation...
the stars havent changed...only me...swept by the currents of everyday life...
i am not sad but miss it...really,deeply....